Ritsuka's diary
by Voiceless Rikka
Summary: Ritsuka's diary from pre-memory loss all the way through the canon series. Rated M for language and content.


2-4-07 {Ritsuka- age 10 (pre-memory loss), Seimei-15, Soubi- 18}

My damn brother, Seimei, gave me this stupid journal today. I'm never going to write in it after this. I don't know what's up with him. He's extremely attached me for some reason. He never wants me to go out with my friends. Can't he understand that I don't like to be around him? He's my older brother for god's sake. We're not _supposed_ to like each other that much.

There's something really strange about him. Something's not right. He always holds me close to him. Sometimes he even kisses me, right on the lips. Wasn't I supposed to give my first kiss to a girl? My stupid older brother took it instead. It's disgusting. He's disgusting. He's done more than just that, too. He grabs me sometimes, and pins me to the bed once he gets frustrated with me. He kisses my neck if I don't push him away. I think he's just about the creepiest person I've met.

He has some sort of weird obsession with me. He ignores Mother and Father. He never needs them. He goes out late at night and then comes home with bloodstains all over him. Lately I've been seeing him with a blonde man lately. I've met him a couple times when Seimei takes me to the park. Seimei doesn't seem to like him much, so I don't understand why he hangs around with him so much.

This other man's name is Soubi. I'm writing about him because I actually like him a lot, even though he's one of Seimei's friends. He's very nice and gentle. I like to play with him and not Seimei when we go to the park. He has such a pretty smile. He's older, about eighteen or so, but he never tries to do anything like Seimei does. Seimei seems to get mad at him if he touches me without me initiating it. Seimei hates getting touched by him, which I don't understand because he has such soft, gentle hands.

That's another reason I don't like Seimei. Why does he get mad if Soubi hugs me? I like it when he does, so what's the problem? He says that Soubi's touches are dirty, but he says that about everyone. It's so annoying! Why is everyone but me so dirty to him? What's so special about me? Soubi seems to be his boyfriend, so why does he always get mad at him?

I don't like that Seimei never wants me to be touched by Soubi. Is he 'dirty' because he has no ears? Mother and Father don't have ears, either, and Seimei tries to take me away from them, too. I'm jealous of Soubi and Seimei's relationship. They seem to be dating, although I've never seen two men together before. I've heard of it though. They seem to be more than just 'friends' from the way Soubi always looks at Seimei. Seimei doesn't seem to feel the same way and he's always ordering Soubi around.

Soubi obeys Seimei and follows him around without a question. I wonder why. It's a little strange, since I've never seen someone do that before. They never kiss or even hug. It's almost as if Soubi is Seimei's dog.

I don't like to think of him as a dog. He's a person, just like me. I wish Seimei would let him see me more. Maybe I'll ask him about it, although I hate talking to him. Anyways, maybe I will write in this. Seimei gave it to me, which makes it 'dirty' in my mind, but I like being able to write about my life. It's a sort of record that I can keep.

Mother's calling me down to work on my math flashcards with her, now, so I have to leave. I'll write again soon.

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-7-07 {Ritsuka- age 10 (pre-memory loss), Seimei-15, Soubi- 18}

I got to see Soubi again today! Seimei didn't like it but I went right up and hugged him as soon as I saw him. He's so tall and strong! He actually hugged me back today and Seimei didn't snap at him for it. The only thing I don't like about Soubi is that he smokes, but he doesn't do it much around me and Seimei, so it's okay.

The only reason I agreed to go to the fair with Seimei today was because I hoped that I would see Soubi today. I was right! I think Seimei may know that I have a little crush on Soubi. Maybe he'll get the hint and realize that I don't like him in the same way he likes me and that I like his boyfriend. Maybe Soubi will leave Seimei and go for me…? Am I too young for him? Seimei is three years younger than him, so does it matter that I'm eight years younger?

Anyways, the fair today was great! I got to hold Soubi's hand most of the time and Seimei only kissed me once. I got to ride a lot of rides and play a lot of games. I saw some of my friends from school there, too. That's sort of expected, though, since I have a lot of friends my age. I decided not to hang out with them because Seimei wouldn't like it and because I wanted to spend more time with Soubi.

One thing that was really strange about today was that Seimei called Soubi 'it' once. I thought that was a bit rude. He didn't seem to mean to, because he stopped talking a looked a little surprised right after he said it. Does that mean that he calls Soubi that when I'm not around? I think that's really rude. Seimei should lean some manners.

Mother and Father talk about Seimei a lot when he's not around. I try to listen in on their conversations, but they always see or hear me before they really start talking. I have picked up on a few things, though. There seems to have been some accidents in a place called 'Seven Voices Academy'. I don't know where that is. It isn't even Seimei's school. I tried looking it up on the internet, but I either get absolutely no results or I hit a block. It's really weird.

It's apparently a special school for special kids, which I learned the last time I listened in to a conversation my parents were having. I don't know what kind of kids. They were about to say when Mom caught me. She's always really nice about it. Usually she'll take me up to my room and tell me to go to bed or she'll give me something to do, like drawing.

Anyways, there have been accidents there where students have gotten hurt or killed. That's all I know other than Mom and Dad both suspect Seimei. I sort of do, too.

My brother is a very shady person. He scares me. I'm going to learn more about him, though. I want to know more about this school and what he did with those students, and, most of all, what his relationship is with Soubi.

I start tomorrow.

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-8-07

I saw Seimei slap Soubi today.

It was really scary. Soubi didn't even do anything wrong. Seimei just told him that he was late and Soubi said it was because of a college class. Then Seimei just slapped him! He had no right to! Why scold someone for being late because of school? Soubi's reasoning sounded very fair to me. It looked like it really hurt, too.

I followed Seimei today when he went out. I wasn't obvious about it, though, so he didn't catch me. I was very proud I wasn't caught. I followed him out of the house and a ways away to a park Seimei seems to like. That was where he met up with Soubi. He waited for only a few moments before Soubi came running, but it wasn't long, I swear! Seimei called him some names, told him he was late, and slapped him really hard. Soubi just stood there and took it. Seimei cussed at him afterwards, but I didn't get to hear anything more since I ran home.

I'm really embarrassed by it, but I cried afterward once I was home. Mom came in my room and asked me what I was crying about. I just told her that I saw somebody get hurt. She seems to think that I saw two high-school kids fighting. I can't tell her that I saw Seimei slap someone I care about.

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-9-07

It rained today. Hard.

I couldn't go out or anything. Mother spent the day with me, but she seemed really distracted, like something was bothering her or something happened. We drew most of the day. I'm no good at drawing, but mother is. I drew Soubi. She drew a butterfly and then asked who I drew. I told her it was a close friend of him, somebody who's older and doesn't go to my school. She believed me.

I love my mother. She's very, very kind and she helps me with homework a lot. She's just been acting a little out of it lately. Dad's been acting that way, too. Is something that I don't know about going on in our house?

Seimei was missing all day today, and he still is. It's almost ten, now. My bedtime on weekends is eleven, but I think I'm going to stay up and wait for him. I wonder if he left his room unlocked…?

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-10-07

I was able to get into Seimei's room yesterday.

What I found was really weird and scary. It's so clean in there. It doesn't even look like he lives in there. It's clean- except for the blood.

There is blood on the walls, right beside the bed and also by the closet. I found a whip in one of his unlocked desk drawers. I think…I think he uses it on Soubi…which means that's his blood on the walls. It can't be Seimei's. Seimei can't be human. His blood can't be red.

There were pictures, too. Pictures of me. Naked. Pictures of me naked. Naked pictures of me. I don't remember him taking those, but I was awake during them. I was laying on Seimei's bed in every one of them. In some of them he had me tied down. I think he drugged me to take those pictures, since I wouldn't have done it anyways and I had this really weird look on my face in the pictures. Those scared me, but, oddly enough, they weren't what scared me the most.

There were horrible, horrible pictures of Soubi, ones of him beaten and bloodied and struggling. They were extremely graphic. Seimei beats him and hurts him often. He needs to stop. He really needs to stop. I even saw pictures of the whip scars on Soubi's back. I can't image how much getting beaten and whipped by Seimei nearly every day could hurt a person. From the way Seimei talks about him and acts around him, he must verbally hurt Soubi, too. I need to stop him. I need to save Soubi.

I found his address written down by Seimei. I memorized it before I fell and knocked myself out on the corner of Seimei's desk.

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-12-07

I'm beginning to think that I was pushed into the desk.

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-14-07

Today was Valentine's Day.

I got a lot of presents from the girls in my class. They really seem to like me. I even got asked out by a couple, but I told them that there was someone else that I liked.

I asked Seimei to take me to the park and to bring Soubi. Surprisingly, he agreed. I wonder if he knows that I went in his room…? Anyways, I got up my courage and, when Seimei wasn't looking, I kissed Soubi. That was my first _real_ kiss and I now see why couples do it all the time. Soubi didn't seem to be angry at me, and he smiled afterwards and told me I was blushing.

Seimei was really mad, though. He dragged me straight home after that and made me take a really long bath. Then he kissed me a whole bunch of times and started to use his tongue. It was yucky, especially when he started touching my private parts. I started screaming and Mom and Dad came and took me away from him. When they were gone, I went back to Seimei's room and begged him not to do anything to Soubi. I told him it was all my fault, which it was, and that he didn't deserve to be hurt because of it. Seimei got really surprised and he had to promise five times not to do anything to Soubi, or even to mention it to him. He finally got me to stop begging and go to bed after five times. I…just hope Soubi will be safe tonight and that Seimei will keep his promise.

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-17-07

I've been too afraid to go over to Soubi's house. I still know the address, but I'm too afraid to actually go.

Seimei's leaving now, though. I'm going to follow him

-Aoyagi Ritsuka

2-18-07

Something

Something is happening…to me. I can't think straight. My hand is…shaking. Seimei…he did something to me. Seimei and Soubi

Seimei and Soubi did something. Seimei did something. He told Soubi to do something. He's Seimei's Fighter…Seimei is his Sacrifice…Seimei is evil. He's betraying

He's betraying the Seven Moons. He's the bad guy. Him…he makes Soubi do things… Seimei's bad. I got in the way…I went back into Seimei's room…

I read the documents…I know everything…

Seimei told Soubi to take my memory with a spell. Soubi

Soubi had no other choice. It's not his fault…He held my hand and told me he was sorry…before…before Seimei made him take his own memory. I'm afraid that Seimei did something to Mother and Father, too. I think I'm dying

Slowly

Save me.

Save me, Soubi.

I'm losing it.

I need to regain control…

I am Aoyagi Ritsuka

I am Ritsuka

I am

Dearest Ritsuka,

I am deeply sorry that you didn't regain conscious long enough to finish that last sentence of that entry. I feel _very _bad about that. It had to be done, though. You and Soubi were simply getting too close too soon. I suppose it isn't _that dog's _fault, but he will be thoroughly punished for it, anyways. You also found out about my plans. That was a very bad move going into my room, Ritsuka. I thought I could trust you enough to not go snooping.

In fact, I always planned to take your memory away. The time was nearing, though I did not plan on it approaching like this. When you were born, beloved, I knew that you were a gift to me from mother. I still hold strong to that belief. You are mine, just as you always will be.

The last nine entries of your journal were photocopied. The originals were burned personally by myself. I hid the copies in a rigged and very secure drawer of mine. In fact, if you are reading this note, that means that you have successfully found them and read through them. Good for you. I bet you didn't find out anything that you didn't already know, now did you? Did you ever even notice that the first nine pages of your diary were missing? I cover my tracks very well, don't I?

I made sure that you would not find the missing pages for many, many years to come. This not may never even get read. It could just sit in my unused desk for years and years until it disintegrates into dust.

Love,

Your brother, Aoyagi Seimei.

* * *

Review, please!

There will be more.


End file.
